How many reps does it take before you go back to a toxic ex, habit or situation?
What reps you talking about, Folk?
Glad you asked. 😃
Loneliness.
When the weight hits your chest it’s different than any other feeling or pain.
Why?
Because it’s alive!
It talks to you. Walks with you. And if you let it, it will be your trainer.
Loneliness knows when to add weight too.
It knows those quiet moments. When nobody is calling. Nobody is coming over. When you’re sitting there with yourself and suddenly something you already walked away from doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
That’s when the weight is really on your chest.
You wonder:
I know “my person” loves me. Why did they stay in that unhealthy situation?
Or maybe it’s you:
I know better. Why did I run back to that situation?
The answer can be the same for both.
You didn’t want to go to The Gym.
Instead of pushing the weight off your chest, you let it sit.
Because pushing it off means feeling every pound of it first.
No shortcut.
No person coming to lift it for you.
No old habit taking your mind somewhere else.
Just you and the weight.
And life is full of cycles. Each time the cycle completes it adds strength.
That’s what makes these reps.
Loneliness comes back around.
There’s the weight again.
But you’re not necessarily the same person underneath it anymore.
Last time you survived it.
Last time you learned you could sit in the quiet.
Last time you didn’t make the call.
Last time you didn’t go back.
Last time you let the feeling run its course without letting it choose what happened next.
That’s a completed rep.
So when the cycle comes back around, don’t automatically think you’re back at the beginning.
You might just be back at The Gym.
And now there’s a little more weight on the bar because you have a little more strength to carry it.
That’s where it becomes yours.
Do you push the weight off each time it returns?
Even when everything in your 3rd dimensional ties screams:
MAKE IT STOP HURTING US NOW!
Because that’s when the suggestions start coming.
Call them.
Go see them.
One cigarette won’t hurt.
Maybe it wasn’t really that bad.
Maybe they’ve changed.
Maybe you’ve changed.
Anything that promises to get the weight off your chest right now starts sounding reasonable.
Do you run?
Or do you stand up to that entity?
I’ll tell you a secret.
Loneliness is a punk.
All cap no slide.
All smoke no fire.
Now I’m not a sensi but I can tell you this: you put your boots on the ground it tucks tail and runs.
Loneliness can talk.
It can remind you.
It can tempt you.
It can make yesterday look better than it actually was.
But without your help “the mission” is bunk.
It needs your participation.
So if you don’t slide…
How can lonely ride?
Now let’s talk about the dope.
You know why we call it dope?
Because it’s dope-amine.
That toxic ex didn’t call you because they grew…
They’re fiendin’.
And you did not go back to that situation because of what you think.
Naw.
It was the dope-amine.
Sometimes you’re not craving the person as much as you’re craving what you remember feeling with the person.
The relief.
The attention.
The touch.
The familiarity.
That moment when the weight wasn’t sitting on your chest anymore.
Your mind can remember every reason something was unhealthy and your body can still remember the relief it associated with it.
Both can exist at the same time.
That’s why “knowing better” can feel completely different from doing better when that weight comes down.
Now…
If you’re not close to the street, you’re in the bike lane. 😃
I got you.
Take all the slang away and we’re still talking about the same human experience.
Your brain learns patterns.
When something brings comfort, pleasure, relief or reward, your brain remembers it.
So when discomfort returns, your mind may reach through its old files looking for something that worked before.
It doesn’t always start by asking:
“Was this healthy?”
Sometimes the first question is simply:
“Did this make us feel better?”
That’s why a person can leave an unhealthy relationship, know exactly why they left, and still feel an urge to return when they’re lonely.
That’s why an old habit can suddenly knock on the door after you’ve been done with it for a long time.
That’s why someone can love you and still return to something you can’t understand.
And that’s why you can know better and still hear that voice suggesting something you already decided wasn’t good for you.
Street language might call it fiendin’.
Somebody else might call it craving, conditioning, seeking relief, or falling back into an old coping pattern.
Different language.
Same person underneath the bar.
Same weight.
Same decision.
And that’s where The Gym comes back in.
You don’t build healing muscles because loneliness disappears.
You build them because loneliness returns and discovers you got stronger.
Every time you feel the weight without automatically running toward the old relief, that’s another rep.
Every time the cycle comes around and you make a different decision, that’s another rep.
Every time your body screams MAKE IT STOP and you realize you don’t have to obey it…
Another rep.
Eventually you start learning something about loneliness.
It can talk.
It can walk with you.
It can even train you.
But it can’t complete the mission without you.
So this is where you decide:
Do I hit The Gym, do my reps and kick ass?
Or let loneliness convince me to lick boots?
Get the workout gear.
Because if you like me:
“Getty Up 🤬 I ain’t lickin nobody’s boots!”
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